Fuck, still no job and really no prospects . I guess I’m actually going to have an enjoyable summer minus the moolah. But as they say mo money mo problems.
Being home reminds me how much I truly dislike the town I live in. Everyone is so fucking white and revels about it. When I walk around I can see the entitlement just beaming from kids and adults alike. Sometimes I can even smell it coming off them, that’s why I personally wear deodorant. I don’t understand, but most of the younger people I have interacted with made it clear by their body language and expressions that I, as well as everyone else, owe them the world. Like the fuck? You’re still in high school, you haven’t come close to any real experiences. And you should know by now that to gain respect you must show respect.
Sans job, I have had a lot of time on my hands and have actually watched a little television here and there. I now remember why I stopped watching. Like 3/4 the programming is just total bullshit. The remaining quarter is nat geo wild, which is the best thing available and I’m so sad 24/7 wild finished. Like most of the programming includes some fucking stupid celebrity that half the time I try to guess what they are famous for, but always realize that they do not have any talent, skills, or a bit of intelligence.
Why do we have entertain ourselves with the lives of others, notably famous individuals? Everyone complains about how their lives suck, but they’ll watch someone else’s sucky life for fun. How about instead use that time to improve your own. Read a thought provoking book, go outside and be around the natural world with no technology, take a walk somewhere, have a conversation with someone you haven’t before and actually exchange original ideas rather than just spewing shit you’ve heard. Sober writings of Igor Nancy at 4:49 AM on Thursday May 31.
When I think of jobs I think of Craig’s dad in Friday saying “the word today is JOB. J-O-B.” I think getting the job is worst aspect of any job, its such a horrid experience filling out all those fucking applications. It’s like “how can I sell myself to this company so they buy me?” What the fuck kind of thinking is this? Now drug testing may be the most evil and stupid thing though. It made me realize that I was not a paranoid stoner and that everyone in the “professional,”if you can call it that, world really hates people that smoke. Why else would they make you take a urine test that is clearly out to get people that smoke marijuana or people that are so stupid as to do their fucking crazy amphetamine hours before the test. Marijuana use can be detected as far a range as 45 days (heavy users), when amphetamine usage cannot be detected after a day has passed. I understand the reason why these tests are administered but damn man smoking a bowl is like drinking a few beers, not shooting up.
So this is the first post of my tumblr thing. I kind of just want to continuously write “FIRST FIRST” like those lame motherfuckers you see on youtube. I guess people really need to feel like they’ve accomplished something in their life, especially those who fervently comment on youtube. My life just went from 60 to 0, as I just finished sophomore year of college. Met a lot of decent people this year and established an amazing relationship, but in typical fashion my life can never allow me to be too happy. Earlier in the year my best friend (dog) and a childhood friend both died. My dog’s death probably fucked me up the most because it was so sudden and early, plus being away at school did not help. It’s funny because I think her death affected me more than any person’s have in the past, I guess dogs are truly your best friend because they love you unconditionally and never trip over stupid bullshit. I wish I would have reached out to my old friend but college has taught me that most friendships only last for a short period because of the circumstances that both people find themselves in. Luckily I still have many of the memories intact of all the stupid fun times we had. His death really makes me realize the importance of the choices we make and their impacts on us plus those who care.
Being home has been difficult because I’m without some important people and my Zoë. I’m not one to believe in ghosts or spirits but I swear I can still hear her shuffling around the carpet and feel her presence. However not everything has been so horrible at home, its been nice seeing my friends and plus the unlimited amount of food has been fucking excellent. My family definitely knows that I’d rather be anywhere else because I barely came home during school, even though I live like 20 minutes away, and how eager I am to leave this place for another. I hope they can see that its not that I don’t like them but more that I struggle with the memories of my dog and that I am at that point of my life where I need a change in scenery. My dream is to one day move out west to Colorado because it looks beautiful, but for now I have my sights set on transferring to CUNY Brooklyn and getting an apartment. So I’m going to spend my summer trying to make that a reality for Spring 2013.
Damn hopefully we can fucking make it to 2013 without some crazed religious fanatics blowing shit up because their “blessed apocalypse” did not occur like they were told it would. But fuck it I’m turning 21 very soon so I at least got to hit that milestone. I’ll just make sure to get stupid high and drunk (crunk) on Dec 21, with a glock on the block like tupac screaming I DONT GIVE A FUCK. I apologize for the length of this post but there was a lot I wanted to get out of my tired brain, then again fuck you because if its too long of a post, your too old of a tumblrer. Sober writings of Igor Nancy at 3:03 AM May 14 2012.